


Sweet moments on hard times

by Ilyasviel



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 09:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8619373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilyasviel/pseuds/Ilyasviel
Summary: The end is near, and Shepard was slowly breaking inside, so much pain, so much blood and dead, and in her heart, she knew that he is the only light that bright her path, and needs to let him know. Last moments before the final attack to the Conduit.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Before making a move on the Conduit, Shepard gots the chance to talk with everyone... but I always found hard to believe that her last moments with Kaidan before the attack were so 'cold'... so here's my version of how I dreamed that last moments.

The mission to take out the Hades Cannon has been a nightmare. Shepard saw a lot of good soldiers died before they land, blasted by the reapers cannon, her hand over her heart, the other over the screen, closing in a painful fist. 

They landed near a crashed shuttle, and worked hard to retrieve the M-920 Cains. The fight seems to have no end, and the team killed wave after wave of cannibals and marauders. They recovered finally the cains, and then Cortez was in trouble and fall… and the inner shield that protect Shepard heart crack a little bit more. She fought with all she have, and finally got the Hades Cannon destroyed, but with no shuttle to make a pickup, they can only fight until their last heartbeat. But the gods seems to have a plan for Shepard, and Anderson appears with a perfect timing.

They landed in the Forward Operating Base, where Hammer is preparing to the make the final movement and attack the Conduit. Anderson knew Shepard very well, and saw clearly as water, that she was in pain, not physically, but in pain anyway. 

“Shepard, a moment please?” – and he guided her to a side of the camp, away from prying ears. She look at him, with a hard look in her eyes, waiting for a final goodbye – “There we are, Jane… that’s not the way I planned to show you London”

He made her smile, but the moment didn’t last, and the pain take her eyes again. The omnitool of Anderson started beeping, and he make a quick look at the message. “Well Jane, I have good news and bad news, which one do you want to hear first?” asked her closing it with a quick movement.

“I don’t know if I can take more bad news at this moment” 

“The news are not that bad. I will go directly to the point, time is not our best friend at the moment. The Hammer will need almost 5 hours more to gather all our available forces and make our move to the Conduit”

“Five hours? How can we will make it to the Conduit if they have 5 fucking hours to prepare a defense?” 

“Shepard, we need that time, and you know it, there are a lot of good soldiers fighting to arrive at this base, you saw how crowded is the city with reaper troops, we can’t rush the attack if we don’t have all the weapons we can” he put a hand on her shoulder and can feel that she was trembling a little “anyway, that was the bad one, the good side of the history we have 5 hours more to spend with the people we care more” he gave her a soft smile, and pulling here in a bear hug, whispered in her ear “You can use my private quarters, I don’t need them for the next hours, don’t leave this place with the pain I can see crushing your heart. You know that I love you like the daughter I never have, so make this old man happy and let your heart talk, not the commander, not the spectre, only Jane” she was crying silently in her shoulder, not daring to talk, but nodded and hug him with all the force she can.

He let her go slowly, and putting again her admiral face, saluted her “Commander, report to my command post in 4 hours to make the final preparations” and with that, he turn heels and entered the building.

She can see James talking with a group of soldiers, and Kaidan using his omnitool, probably talking with their recruits of the biotic squad. Watching him, she understands that she needs, really needs, to spend her last hours with him, making precious memories and feeding her soul with his love, giving her the best of the reasons to fight and win this war: a future with him, or at least, a future for him. 

With a sigh, she walked to the communication center, and talked for a while with all her friends, trying to not say ‘goodbye’ to anyone of them. She discovered that Cortez is well and alive, good news in the darkest hours. She enjoyed her talk with Kasumi and Jack, smile seeing how Miranda get emotional and try to hide it, talked with Grunt, her baby-krogan who will kill her if she said it aloud, contacted with Samara an Zaeed, with Jacob who was protecting the Crucible… a lot of friends, more than friends to her. Talking with them in that moment, knowing that maybe was the last time, make her feel extremely sad, but extremely happy of having them, so she put her best Commander Shepard face, talk with everyone, encourage the fighting, makes jokes, gave smiles… it was hard, but it’s the least she can do for his family.

At last, she made her way to the command center. Talked with James, and gave him the hug she needed and he deserves, for being her friend and guardian in her darkest moments. She passed near Kaidan, but instead of stopping to talk with him, she sends a short message “Meet me upstairs in 30’, J.”.  

Her way upstairs was hard, sharing feelings and smiles with her closest friends, Garrus made her smile, Tali embraced her and softened the pain with her sweetness, Wrex talked with her about Tuchanka, Eve and the little krogans that will be named after Mordin and Shepard, Javik talked about hope and make her admire the change in the protean, Liara gave her a present of love and happiness, and EDI show everyone that she was more human thanks to Shepard and the Normandy crew. She surprised herself and EDI giving her a big hug “I have a message for Jeff, can you send it for me when I crossed the Crucible?” She let her go but maintain a hand on her elbow “Of course Shepard, whatever you need, and don’t worry, I will be with Jeff as long as this galaxy left me” she opened her omnitool and send the video message to EDI “Thanks, we will talk later”

At last, she arrived to Anderson’s  private quarters, it was a little loft, with a bed, a couch and a bathroom, a generator on the corner providing the energy to the lamps and terminals. She was putting her weapons on the table when the door opened “Come in Kaidan, we have some free hours before the attack, and Anderson’s ordered us to rests as much as we can”

He move to the table with her and starts to drop his weapons “And I’m more than happy to follow that order” she used her omnitool to secure the door and walked to the couch, beckoning him to join her “Kaidan, you know I’m not good voicing my feelings, but there are some things I need to say, and I really hope you will let do it” He looks at her with a puzzle look, but nodded sitting at the couch.

She returned to the table and starts to free her armor plates, her back to Kaidan “I never talked to you about how I fall in love with you… the only person who knew the full story is Joker” she works with the legs plates “I falled for you after Eden Prime. When I wake up from my nightmares and you were there, some of the pain simply banished only looking at your eyes. At the moment I thought it was a crush, one that will pass, but mission after mission, and more important, our moments of peace, only make me fall even harder for you” she was in her under armour and face him, leaning in the table “And then Virmire happened, I had to choose between Ash and you, and I tried to make that decision with my head, but as much as I loved Ash, I imagined a world without you and can’t bear it, so I made the hardest decision of my life and one that undermined my opinion of myself as a leader. I know that it was the correct decision, you are an officer, a very good officer, and one of the best biotics of the Alliance, and hell, you are with the bomb, but all this reasons came to me later, when I tried to rationalize it” She can see him closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath, like he’s preparing to say something, but then only nodded slightly to her. She smiled to him gratefully and then she saw him shifting in the couch “We will be here for a while, you can take off your armor, let me help you”.

She started with his gauntlets, slowly and without looking at his face “After Virmire, I didn’t have the time to mourn Ash, or enjoy the fact that you are alive and with me, but after all the pain and loss, came Ilos… I knew I loved you before that night, but after our first kiss, I knew I will love to the end of my days. You make me feel special, simply talking to me or touching me, you don’t push me to be a different person, or be the hero the Alliance wants to make of me, you let me be ME, only Jane, and I can’t say how grateful I’m for that.” She push him to sit to take off his boots and leg plates “With you by my side, I feel like I can win every battle they throw to me, and we did it, we saved the Citadel, killed Saren, destroyed a reaper. And I feel happy and full of dreams, of a live with you, fighting side by side with you across the galaxy, forging a future. Those weeks with you on the Normandy were the best memories I created since Midnoir” she sits with him and let her head rest on his shoulder “But then the collectors killed me, and everything changed. When I returned, my only wish was to find you, saw your eyes and ear your voice again, but I wasn’t thinking clearly, my yearning for you blinding me to the situation I’m living” before he can say something she put a finger on her lips “Horizon is in the past now love, I’m only saying that I understand why you left me there, yeah, in the moment hurted, a lot, but time and your love healed that wound, so stop beating yourself about it, as I tried to stop beating myself about Virmire, deal?” he nodded and she kissed his check “The six months on earth were like a torture to me, a lot of time to think in everything, to mourn from the future that the reapers robbed from me, but the memories of our days on the SR1 make the pain passable. I’m pretty sure I will see you before the end, and the reapers helped with that, forcing you to join me, and for that I only can be grateful, as heartless as it sounds”

She moved to the table and start searching something on her armor “The attack on Mars only makes me confirm that I was still very much in love with you, the time only deepened it. And luckily for me and my crazy dream, you feel the same and makes me the happiest woman on the galaxy that day at Apollo’s” she was smiling to him happily, as she was remembering a happy memory “We walked a long and hard road, love, and I don’t know if we will be there at the end, but I want you to know, I NEED YOU TO KNOW, that you are the only reason I’m fighting this war, I’m a selfish person, but after all my years of service, all the pain, spilled blood and dead friends, the only reason I can found to keep fighting is you, a future with you, the fulfillment of my silly dream. You are the reason I breath, the energy that makes my heart beats, the strength that push me in battle, the nerves that steeled my hand while aiming, the power that opens my biotics… you are the piece I didn’t knew I was missing all my life, you complete me and make me a better person, a better woman, a better soldier” she can see tears flowing from his eyes, but he remain silent, smiling, waiting for her.

“I had a present for you” she kneeled on his feets and opened her omnitool “We know that this battle may be our last, for many reasons, everyone of them scariest as the hell’s doors, but we have to fight it anyway, with all our heart. And as I say, you are my primary reason to make it, so I made a memento of my love, to help me keep pushing until the end” she started to pass pictures of him, of them, some short videos, even a photo of them with Ashley on the Citadel “I knew that whenever my strength is failing me, I’ll look to that and your love will give me the boost I need to keep fighting, to try to win this war” He kissed her sweetly and touch his forehead with hers “It’s beautiful Jane”

“But that's not the present I have for you” She opened her hand, showing him two black rings, his mouth opening to say something and closing again, lost in words “When I visited Alchera I recovered a piece of your old terminal, and stored it in the Normandy as a memento, but when you came back to me, I asked EDI to craft this for us, I wanted to give it to you before Thessia, but the perfect moment never came and here I am, asking you to marry before a battle that maybe will cost both of us our lives”

He can resist anymore, and crushed her in a hug “Jane, if this is our end, I will die a happy man. But you have to know that I will fight with all my soul to see the end of this battle and have the chance to live the rest of my life at your side. I love you Jane Alexis Shepard, and as you’ll know, I was planning to ask you after the war” he let her go and take the rings in his hands “Jane, I’m very much in love with you, with the woman you are behind your name, your rank. I love your childish laugh, your sense of humour, the scars you bear inside and outside, your loving heart and that quick mind of you. My father used an old song to make his bows to my mom in their wedding, and I was planning to declare myself to you with the same words, because is an easy way to let you know the deep of my feelings” he opened his omnitool, a woman’s voice singing:

_ "At last my love has come along _

_ My lonely days are over and life is like a song, oh yeah _

_ At last the skies above are blue _

_ My heart was wrapped up clover the night I looked at you _

_ I found a dream that I could speak to _

_ A dream that I can call my own _

_ I found a thrill to press my cheek to _

_ A thrill I've never known, oh yeah _

_ You smiled, you smiled oh and then the spell was cast _

_ And here we are in Heaven _

_ For you are mine at last” _

 

She was crying softly, seated on her ankles, her hands on his knees, he cupped her face and caressed a cheekbone with his thumb “You are my dream came true, Jane,I knew I loved you before I met you, I think I dreamed you into life, and I’ve been waiting all my life for you” He takes her hand and move the ring over her finger “I will be more than happy to be your husband, and I’m sure as the sun is still shining over the clouds, that I will fight for it, at your side, until the very end. I love you more than I believed possible, but every breath you take makes me love you even more” she takes the other ring and put it in his finger “I love you too, and I will remember this moment the rest of my life, whatever long it is”.

He takes her in his arms, kissing her deeply, and the love they felt overwhelmed them, leaving them gasping for air. He rested his forehead on hers “The bond we share is something the war can’t break, whatever happens today, we will find each other again, because we are two parts of a whole being, no power in the universe can’t break it”.

She kissed him again, tears wetting their faces “Let me march to the Crucible with the taste of you in my lips, the ghost of your touch in my skin and the heat of your body in mine” they kissed each other with passion and longines, trying to engrave the memories of every kiss, touch, caress, feeling, on their minds. 

Whatever the war depares them, their hearts are warm and their souls got the energy to fight until the very end… they only hope the gods can be generous enough to let them live their dream together.

 


End file.
